Texican Monkeys

Yes, I admit that I have been somewhat jealous of your monkeys.

Recently, however, I discovered that I am actually living with a Texican Monkey. This a rare breed of baboon that zoologists in the Texas Hill Country stumbled upon during the spring of 2004.

They are famous for their ear-splitting howl. Here is some rare footage:



I think it is safe to say that the Texican Monkeys are far superior to any of those monkeys in Thailand.

This statue kinda reminded me of you.
















That's you.

Jeff Parker

Blood Orange Cake

This is hands down the best chocolate cake I've ever, EVER had...

I kinda feel bad for posting this but here we go:

The only way to top off a blood orange cake is to actually top it off with a slice of blood orange. Take another look:

Oh, and You Missed Dragons

Happy New Year...

Oh wait, where you're living doesn't celebrate Chinese New Year

Which means You probably didn't SEE any dragons.

Wow, a fire-breather. Cool.

I'm at a loss from words. Your life has no meaning.

Half-hearted--I think not.

I have to imagine it's quite the blow to an ego to have people half-way around the world so enthusiastic that you're not here. I mean, this is Santiago, from Argentina, and he really was pretty "feliz" that "no estas aqui."

I mean, it's not that hard to figure out.

You do kinda suck.

You go to bed early.

Your favorite topic of conversation is Panamanian STDs.

And you're you.

BREAKING NEWS: Disaster in Valenti Kitchen - 1 Casualty Reported

Danny, I regret to inform you of some terrible news.

Please sit down and brace yourself. Take a few deep breathes. Inhale. Now Exhale. Clear your mind and focus on your inner chi.

Good... Are you calm? I hope so.

Well, you know the routine:

1)Tilt head vertically
2) Place bucket on ground
3) Press 'Play'
4) Allow tears to drop in bucket

Breaking News: Jeff is too "professorial" to attach a video

Dear Jeff:

This isn't amateur hour. So...

Take a breath.

Turn purple.

Say sorry to the millions of readers who come here each week.

Repost your video.