Top Ten Reasons I'm Glad You're Not Here

Recently, I was talking with my friend Dave, an avid reader of this blog. He said to me: "Jeff, I think that it's time for you borrow my schtick. It's called 'the Top Ten List'."

"Dave are you sure," I replied, "I'm just an aspiring blogger with revenge and hatred in my cold shriveled heart and that's your money maker. I mean you make millions off that dumb---"

"Jeff, do it," he reassured me, "you have a my permission. And it is not 'dumb...' It's a clever comedic framing devise to poke fun at your frienemies."


"Ahhh," I responded, "That's not a bad idea Dave. But do your frienemies' feelings ever get hurt or do they get upset with you for publically humilating them or by destroying their pathetic egos?"

"Well, only Sarah Palin," Dave lamented, "...and Osama Bin Laden. We haven't spoke for years now."

"But Danny is a sensitive guy," I wondered outloud. "I often have to put my chin gently on the back of his head as he sobs into my bosom to soothe his hurt feelings. Worst yet, he's all the way over in Southeast Asia alone... by himself..."

"But you told me Rami was holding his hand over there," Dave said. "Rami's chest should work fine too. Back in the 80s, Paul Schaeffer used to fake cry into his bosom just to cop a feel."

"Oh, I didn't know that. I thought it was just me..."

[Fade to black.]

[Applause.]


Okay, here we go. Top ten reasons why I'm glad that Danny's not here! [Drum roll] Number 10!

#10: No longer have to help Danny shave his left eyebrow just to scare the neighborhood kids.

(Disclaimer note: Dave told me that Top Ten Lists are not intended to be very funny).

Stay Tuned for #9....